Secondary school is a type of school in the uk (The uk is weird because our schools are usually split into primary and secondary school or lower, middle and high school ) secondary school is for 11-18 year old's which to be honest isn't great to mix insecure 11 year old's who are trying to work out who they are with kids who are 15 and trying to rebel and 18 year old's who are preparing to live independently but that is my school system.
I left school when I was 16 and I went to college instead but I guess seeing my little brother in his over sized blazer going into year nine (the year group for 13-14 year old's) it really made me think of school, at school I was the awkwardest thing you'd ever seen, I'd always been quiet and had a hard time making friends and it took me ages to make my first best friend and I was about 6 when I finally found her and I sort of made other friends too but my best friend was much more outgoing than me and my friends were more like her friends who had to put up with me because of her, so when I left primary school for secondary school I left my best friend behind and I was friendless again.
Don't get me wrong I made friends pretty quickly at secondary school but I just kind of ended up with them I didn't really earn their friendship, secondary school is a confusing place and first years (year 7) seem to change instantly they start off so scared and awkward and carry around huge bags expecting lots of home work and books, I never got that much home work, any way after a month all the girls start straightening their hair and cover their freckled faces with make up, the boys start styling their hair after a celebrity and wear designer gear, everyone's bags shrink and everyone develops a attitude problem.
I think it's because people feel insecure about how they look and things when they hit puberty and because there are so many kids going through puberty and because they all feel insecure they start making others feel bad about how they look too and they make more people feel bad too and then the atmosphere becomes toxic.
I'm still not overly sure why ended up alone, I guess that because I had relied too much on my friend from primary school to lead me and I never had to make friends, at secondary school I ended up hanging around with a girl quieter than me and I think I bossed her around too much, talked about my self too much and became too dependent on her I was a terrible friend to her and she had her own problems to deal with too, another girl drove us apart, looking back it was for the best really I know I would have just kept falling out with her if I kept trying to be her friend and she needed to sort her self out and so did I, I needed to learn how to make friends properly.
I have some advice, if your struggling to fit in don't do anything or change just so people will think more of you, I never did join the band wagon of hair straightening and make up wearing, you really don't want people to think more of you because of how you look or trying to do something to try and fit into a crowd, sure I was lonely and miserable for a while but when year nine came about things were so much better, I think I needed that time alone to work myself out, I wanted to be liked for being me and I made friends not because I tried doing things to look prettier or cooler which is honestly a bad idea, I took the time to get to know people first and build a relationship and was liked because of my personality and to be frank my personality and attitude was terrible before I spent so much time alone, I think I became a nicer person in that time.
At the same time there were so many other kids having a hard time fitting in, tons of friendship groups were falling apart and I think their problem was that they had tried so hard to fit in that when the people they had befriended weren't so keen on them, this makes sense really if you act differently to please someone it isn't really you they befriended so your friendship isn't really going to last, so you should really just be yourself and you will find the people who will like you for who you are.
I felt bad making friends at first I didn't want to be the person who tagged along anymore, the person that was there because someone liked me and everyone else had to put up with me even though they weren't really keen on me so I was reluctant to start hanging out with people again.
My biggest piece of advice is that there are so many confused, lonely and insecure people at school and they say a lot of things that they don't really think about before saying, they will say cruel things to people they don't know because they won't feel as bad saying it to someone they don't personally know, they don't think about how you feel and they won't remember it like you will and as horrible as it sounds some times you need to forget about it, or course if it's a regular thing then they are bulling you and you need to let them know how much you hate them, but if someone you have never met says something horrible to you it's probably because someone said something to them and I found that they were nicer when you get to know them and so it's a good idea to not hold a grudge and treat them politely if you are ever introduced to them. (And if they are still rude and nasty when you aren't giving them any reason to be then there is clearly something wrong with them.)
If you're wondering about what happened to those girls who I originally befriended ended, well their friendship ended on bad terms, I eventually buried the hatchet with the girl I made friends with in our first year by the time we were 15 and we're still friends today , the girl who drove us apart was expelled from our school when she was 15 but both of them had fallen out with each other by then, I don't know what happened to her after that which is sad.
I started secondary school 7 years ago and I wished that I had been more internet competent at 11 because I could have used it to learn what I know now but I don't really have many regrets truth be told I just wished I didn't burn so many bridges along the way but I'm happy now and secondary school made me the person I am, because if I didn't go I would be sitting here the same slightly selfish, clingy little girl I was when I was 11, good luck.
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